Emotions are natural part of human lives but always remember that thoughts and feelings sometimes are not fact. Sometimes, emotions blinds a lot of people and it can be so futile. Psychology implies that children learn emotional regulation from observing and modeling how their parents and family members deal with emotions at each point in their lives. How a child bonds with his/her parent can deeply affect how they relate with others when they are fully grown. Understanding how your family handled emotions when you were a child can help you understand your current emotional habits.Some emotions are positive and such feeling includes joy, happiness,peace, love, contentment and more. Positive emotions strengthens one’s being and they are easier to deal with. The second type of emotion is the negative one. They include sadness, anxiety, fear, anger,frustration, resentment, disappointment, hurt, grief and more. Everyone has had a bad day or moment when one feels so stressed out and overwhelmed by emotions but we have to decipher a way to react or handle such situations. Some people just want to tear everything apart when they are overwhelmed by emotions.
A single mother lost her job and the moment she picked up her daughter from school, her little girl just couldn’t stop crying. She was so frustrated about the day and she shouted ‘ why do you keep screaming like a crying pig? ‘ I just want to strangle you right now.’ My mind is so messed up.’ Just keep quiet already. ‘
There are various factors that can rouse our emotions negatively. Cognitive distortion is one way we can be blinded by our emotions. Cognitive distortions are simply ways that our mind convinces us of something that isn’t really true. These inaccurate thoughts are usually used to reinforce negative thinking or emotions — telling ourselves things that sound rational and accurate, but really only serve to keep us feeling bad about ourselves. These are learnt habits that needs to be unlearned. It is important to know that as parents, our children live up to us. They pay attention to how are emotions are managed and they just naturally emulate it.
Here are some negative feelings that can mess up the mind and cause emotional outburst:
- Prejudging and misjudging: Prejudging can be defined as forming a judgement on (an issue or person) prematurely without having adequate information while misjudging is to have a wrong idea about an issue or a person. For example “My pastor seemed really irritated when we spoke on the phone earlier. He’s probably mad at me.”
- Inadequacies : This is a state of feeling insufficient. Inadequacy often comes from low self-esteem, the idea that you aren’t good enough to do something or deserve someone. It can hurt so much. It makes you feel you can’t seem to do anything right. For example “What’s wrong with me? Why do things never seem to work out? Why do I suck at my job?”
- Making the positive ineligible : It can also be called filtering. It is filtering all positive thoughts away. When someone tells you something positive about yourself, it doesn’t count but if it is negative, it becomes believable. For example, if someone tells you how stunning you look on a skirt, then your mind travels to the huge spot on your leg and you just say ‘I don’t look good. ‘
- Mind reading : This actually can mean leaning on your intuition when it tells you what someone is probably thinking or feeling at the moment. You believe that you know what others are thinking or feeling about you(and it’s usually negative) without asking them. In particular, you believe that you understand how people feel toward you and how it affects their actions. For example:You think somebody does not love you and don’t bother to check it out. You just assume that’s the case. You do this because you feel like you don’t deserve love, and so are overly sensitive to people whom you think might not love you.
- Blaming yourself : You believe that you were the cause of something bad that happened, when you really didn’t have very much to do with it. You may make everything “about you”: for example, ‘My son died when in a moto accident .’ Myself and my husband were arguing while taking a drive down the lawn.’ He died because they were probably not paying attention to him.’
- Over-generalization : This is common to African culture. Over- generalization can be defined as believing a single negative event turns into a never-ending pattern of defeat. For example: ” My mother had her first boyfriend breakup with her when she was younger and now my boyfriend broke up with me.”why would anyone want to date me?” ‘My matter is beyond natural.’
- Mistagging: This is an extreme form of over-generalization. When you make a mistake or fail at something, you give yourself a tag/label such as, “I am a failure.” Meanwhile, your mistakes do not define you. The guilt just keeps eating you up and stirring up negative emotions about yourself.
- Jumping to conclusion: It is a psychological term referring to a communication obstacle where one judge(s) or decide(s) something without having all the facts to reach unwarranted conclusions. You make a negative exposition even though there are no definite facts that convincingly support what has been concluded. You think that preparing for the worst is better than hoping for the best, because you’re afraid, not hopeful. For example, you might assume that you shouldn’t even bother bringing up an idea in a work meeting because “it will just get shot down.”
These types of distortion will cause you a lot of emotional pain and guilt. Sometimes, you may feel out of control emotionally because you can’t see a way to resolve the situation that’s causing the feeling. All you have to do is ‘remove the blind.’
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